To Know
When it comes to the types of questions to ask your lover,
there is a pretty broad landscape of options. Are you
talking about intimate questions or do you want to get to
know each other in different ways? Do you want fun and
lighthearted questions or something deeper?
Well, no matter what you are looking for, I have got you
covered.
Why do you need questions to ask your lover?
Before we get into the best and worst questions to ask
your lover, you may be wondering why exactly it is so
important to ask questions. Well, it is how you get to know
someone. Even if you are only interested in the physical
aspect of a relationship, knowing what someone likes and
doesn’t like is vital.
And if you want to create a deeper bond showing your
interest in their past, their hobbies, and even their job
enhances your connection.
Questions you don’t need to ask your lover
There are some questions to ask your lover that many
people see as go to’s, but really are not necessary and are
actually more likely to cause a riff than a stronger bond. So
here are the questions you do not need to ask your lover.
#1 How many sexual partners have you had? Asking your
partner how many serious relationships they’ve had is
totally fine. But asking about their sexual history is not
necessary when it comes to numbers.
Instead, ask them about their sexual health. Discuss if you
have both been tested recently and given the all clear. Yes,
some couples don’t mind sharing their “number,” but it
really is not necessary. You and your lover may have more
or less experience than one another, but that shouldn’t
affect how you think of them.
Knowing someone’s number can actually unintentionally
create judgment and worry that could easily be avoided by
focusing on your current relationship rather than the past.
#2 Are you sure you still like me? Or any variety of this
question is not only quite a turnoff but shows a serious
lack of self-confidence. It is great to validate your feelings
for one another, but that shouldn’t come from a question
like this.
The fact that this person is with you says they care and are
interested. Requiring constant reassurance from your lover
can really turn something sweet into something sour.
#3 Do you have feelings for your ex? Discussing past
relationships can be very telling and important for you and
your lover, but a question like this comes off as more of an
accusation. And that is neither fair nor useful for the two
of you.
Questions like this make you seem jealous, unsure, and
untrusting. Bringing up something like this immediately
sets off someone’s defenses and makes them feel like their
loyalty is being taken into question.
The best questions to ask your lover
Now that we touched on some questions to ask your lover
that you may want to avoid, here are the ones that are
totally appropriate, helpful, and maybe even necessary for
some.
#1 What do you like? This might seem pretty basic, but we
sometimes forget to ask the person we spend time with
what they like. You may know somethings, but it never
hurts to learn more about your lover.
There is always more to know. And this is in regards to
their hobbies, their taste, and their sexual preferences.
#2 What do you not like? This may be even more important
than the last. Knowing the things that someone doesn’t
like is crucial for you to know what you should avoid with
your lover.
Doing something to make them uncomfortable, even
unintentionally could really throw things array.
#3 What are you willing to try or not try? When it comes to
being spontaneous with travel or in the bedroom, knowing
what the limits are is important. You always want to be on
the same page and expressing how far you are willing to
go is vital.
Be sure that when you ask your lover about what they are
willing to do, share your answer too.
#4 What are your deal breakers? You could be lovers, but
the dealbreakers discussion could be put off for years,
which can lead to a painful breakup. Instead be open with
your partner.
Let them know if smoking or drinking is off the table for
you. The same goes for marriage, kids, moving, etc. Of
course, things you can’t foresee always arise, but knowing
what you both cannot handle upfront will make things run
a lot more smoothly.
#5 Where do you see this going? This can be asked too
quickly, but if you are referring to this person as your
lover, you are probably in the safe zone. Asking where
things are going can seem super scary. What if you don’t
get the answer you want?
Well, it is better to know now rather than later. Plus, once
you have that conversation you can move forward. Being
stuck in an are we or aren’t we limbo is not fun.
#6 Is there anything you want to know about me that you
don’t know already? This can also be a little scary because
it is impossible to predict what your lover might say. But
making sure they don’t have any doubts or questions is
important. Ensuring they get everything off their chest will
lead you to a happier future.
#7 What first struck your interest with me? This can help to
reignite a spark between you if it starts dying down.
Recapturing what first brought you together can seem like
the first time all over again.
This can also clue you into what it is that your partner
loves so much about you so that you can put that part of
yourself on display more often.
#8 Have you ever been in love before? Again, if you are
lovers in a strictly physical sense, this may not be a
necessary question, but it can be a major eye-opener in a
romantic relationship.
Knowing how emotionally experienced your partner is can
help you figure out how slow or quickly you feel
comfortable moving.
#9 What is your love language? There are five love
languages. These are different ways people give and
receive love. They involve things like time spent together,
acts of service, words of affirmation, and more.
Knowing what your lover’s love language is and vice versa
can help you be sure that you are showing love in the
way your partner best receives it.
#10 Do you have any fantasies? As lovers, pushing
boundaries and trying new things is important for intimacy
and passion. Clueing each other in on something you have
always wanted to try but maybe have never had the nerve
for can take your bond to a new level.
#11 Do you have any regrets? It would be nice if we could
all say we have no regrets, but that is definitely not the
case for most people. And sharing your regrets is like
sharing your darkest secret.
Being that vulnerable and opening that door is what
having a lover is for. You can be there for each other and
discuss anything without judgment.
#12 Is this relationship satisfying you? This is another
question people often go ages without asking their lover in
fear of the response. But no matter what it is, it can move
you forward.
If they aren’t satisfied, you can discuss how you can
change that. Does your lover need more support with their
work or emotionally? Or maybe physically your
relationship isn’t satisfying them? There is always a way to
mend these issues, but you have to admit them first.
#13 What is number one on your bucket list? This may seem
like a silly question, but bucket lists are always full of
things like trying a cricket, or skydiving. A lot of things
that people want to do before they die are deeper and
more meaningful than that.
Sharing this is personal and intimate, not to mention how
amazing it would be if you could actually accomplish it.
#14 When and where do you feel the most free? A
relationship is hard work, but it shouldn’t feel like a job. It
should bring happiness to your life first and foremost. So
asking your partner where they go or what they do to feel
the most free can be so enlightening.
#15 What is your favorite thing that I do for you? Maybe you
always rub your lover’s back when you watch TV or you
make a purring noise when you kiss. These things are
small, but usually, lovers notice the small things about
each other.
Sharing these small things you love about each other
shows you how much you appreciate one another.
#16 What can I do to make our time apart easier? Every
couple struggles when they go a long time without seeing
each other. But everyone reacts to distance differently.
Some people pull back, others want constant
communication.
Discussing how you can make that time easier on each
other will make those times feel a whole lot shorter.
#17 Do you think we have sex too often or not often enough?
Sex is a big part of most relationships, and this is one of
those questions to ask your lover that can reveal a lot
about your sex life. Physical connection is the basis for a
lot of people.
Although creating a schedule isn’t the most romantic,
discussing how often you would both prefer to make love
can make both of you a lot happier overall.
#18 What is your biggest fear? Is it death, is it losing your
job, or maybe failing? We all have fears and we all have a
biggest fear. Keeping it in may seem strong, but sharing
that sensitive side of yourself with your lover and vice
versa releases a stress you didn’t even know you had.
#19 If we could go anywhere right now, where would you
want to go? Travel even if only a half an hour away is a
part of so many people’s lives. Has your partner always
wanted to visit Ireland? Or maybe New Orleans is more
their speed?
Sharing your dreams of traveling to far off lands or going
out of town gives you something to look forward to.
#20 What constitutes cheating to you? This is a biggie. And it
is one of the scary questions to ask your lover. You don’t
want your partner to say that they get jealous when you
talk to this one guy at work. And you probably don’t even
want to bring up the word cheating.
But, discussing what cheating actually is to the both of you
is a vital question to ask your lover to ensure you are on
the same page.
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